“He who looks outside dreams,
He who looks within awakens.”
In the 90’s I knew a girl who was 32 years old, but her body looked about 8 years old. She stood just under 4 feet tall, had a very child like face and the emotional intelligence of a 7 year old. Her relationships were rocky and constantly exploding with tantrums and drama.
It was uneasy to interact without wondering what had happened. Although she was very smart and capable, it always struck me that she had been frozen in time somehow. One day she opened up and revealed she had been kidnapped by a man at a park when she was almost 8 years old. He took all her clothes off so she would not run away and held her captive for 3 weeks before the authorities found her.
It seemed apparent the trauma had been so intense every cell in her body froze in petrified fright and she never grew beyond that point. As she worked through her emotions things began to shift, unfreeze and mature for her. She eventually stopped choosing possessive abusive men as partners and found a loving relationship as well.
Around the same time I was acquainted with a woman in her 40s, who was married and very successful in life. Although she was happy in her marriage she always felt something was missing… “the grass might be greener on the other side” syndrome. One day she met a homeless teen from Jamaica playing drums on the beach. Something overcame her and she felt intrinsically drawn to spend time with him. She went home and very uncharacteristically told her husband she would be gone for two weeks while she spent time with a teenager.
Wildly attracted to this very young stranger, she experienced a primal thrill. They sang and danced and played the drums and walked on the beach, slept in the sand and got to know each other while she tried to pin point and understand her attraction. At the end of two weeks she was satiated and realized that when she was 15-16 years old herself, she was very homely looking and she never had any boy ask her out. She never went to prom. This left a wound; an unfulfilled yearning to spend intimate time getting to know a 16 year old boy as if they were dating. After she satisfied this old inner desire, without being physically intimate with him, she went back to her husband and their relationship took on a whole new flavor of happiness and fulfillment because she had reclaimed or actualized a piece of herself that had been frozen in pain and unresolved self-doubt from her teens.
The truth is we all have frozen parts of our psyche that linger back at previous ages due to lack of fulfilled needs, insecurities or trauma. When we have an emotional meltdown, we may be accessing a 6 year old part of ourselves that was never heard, loved or understood etc. These bits and parts of ourselves remain emotionally immature, demanding, narcissistic and needy, causing havoc with our lives; often causing us to hurt and blame those around us.
The great thing is, moving out of old wounding or unrequited desire is entirely possible. The Native Indians often call this process Soul Retrieval, because we locate, retrieve, and heal the old self and re-join it with the current self.
When we slow our brain wave frequencies through meditation we can move inside, follow our emotions and locate the peak point where we felt the wound began. Observing this moment in time as a compassionate witness is extremely helpful and healing, because that is what was required at the time; a compassionate loving witness to the pain. As we increase our inner peace and deepen our meditations, we can release the old wound and self-destructive behavior that went along with it.
Blessings on your healing journey my friends!